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Justice Scalia is “the funniest [Supreme Court] justice,” responsible for roughly one bout of laughter per argument, reports a recent study conducted by Jay D. Wexler (and published in the law journal The Green Bag). According to court transcripts, Scalia produced 77 “laughing episodes”; Breyer came in second, with 45 fits under his robe, while Ginsberg produced a mere 4 laughs, and Thomas “gave rise to no laughter at all.” Surprising, given that I still get a chuckle out of that pube-on-a-Coke-can thing.
Like many studies, of course, Wexler’s is far from conclusive:
Professor Wexler concedes that his methodology is imperfect. The court reporters who insert the notations may, for instance, be unreliable or biased.
The simple notation “[laughter]” does not, moreover, distinguish between “a series of small chuckles” and “a joke that brought the house down.” Nor, Professor Wexler said, does it separate “the genuine laughter brought about by truly funny or clever humor and the anxious kind of laughter that arises when one feels nervous or uncomfortable or just plain scared for the nation’s future.”
Additionally,
Partisans of particular justices may raise objections as well. The raw numbers for Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, who produced 12 laughs, understate his wit, as he missed more than 30 arguments in the term because of illness. He died in September.
Justice Ginsburg’s poor showing may in part be a matter of misperception based on her grave mien.
“It is widely believed that Justice Ginsburg doesn’t even laugh herself, much less make others laugh,” Professor Wexler, a law clerk for her in 1998 and 1999, wrote. “I can attest that she does, in fact, laugh. Maybe not often, perhaps not loudly or with great vigor and the wild waving of arms, but laugh she does.”
Justice Scalia’s numbers may similarly overstate his wit, if only because the courtroom expects quips from him and may laugh at the least provocation. Also, he tried hard.
“He plays to the crowd,” said Pamela S. Karlan, a Stanford law professor and Supreme Court advocate who has garnered her own share of laughter notations in the transcripts.
Must be the Guido Grandfather in him. Wonder how many times he used the tried and true “Pull my finger” bit?
So what exactly passes for humor in the esteemed Supreme Court chambers?
[I]n a January argument in a statute-of-limitations case, Justice Anthony M. Kennedy made an amusing observation about the absurdity of modern life.
“Recently I lost my luggage,” Justice Kennedy said. “I had to go to the lost and found at the airline, and the lady said has my plane landed yet.”
“[Laughter.]”
[…]
Lawyers confuse one justice with another surprisingly often, and those mix-ups are, of course, an opportunity for humor.
Last November, Sri Srinivasan, a government lawyer, apologized to Justice David H. Souter for referring to him as Justice Scalia.
“Thank you,” Justice Souter said, with characteristic self-deprecation, “but apologize to him.”
“[Laughter.]”
A-hem.
Perhaps comedy is best left to the professionals, guys.
- K
Roberts to Scalia:
“For the last fucking time, Nino, no, I will not pull your finger!
And will someone PLEASE turn the air on? It REEKS in here!”
After drafting last night’s post, I started to wonder whether Comedy Central had ever released That’s My Bush on DVD; after all, the show was cancelled after just eight episodes due to the crazy production costs (a reported $700,000 per episode), and it seems like releasing the series on DVD would be an excellent way for those tightwads to recoup some of their expenses. So I hopped on over to Amazon to find out. While there is no That’s My Bush anywhere to be found on Amazon, my search did uncover - strangely enough - a 2003 flick called Ultrachrist! The tagline: Get ready for a whole new Christ!! In Spandex, nonetheless.
It’s an indie, so there isn’t too much info on its Amazon listing, but here are a few highlights:
Plot Outline: What would Jesus do if he returned to Earth and discovered he could no longer relate to the youth of today?
Plot Synopsis: Jesus returns to Earth in present-day NYC, sent by his Father to usher in 2000 years of Godly peace. Unfortunately, modern young people respond poorly to this bearded weirdo. Taking the advice of a market research guru, Jesus has a Spandex costume made and declares himself “Ultrachrist”, an urban sin-fighter. Unfortunately, his Father doesn’t approve of these unorthodox techniques, while the Antichrist (the NYC Parks Commissioner) ressurects an army of famous sinners to make sure Ultrachrist’s mission fails.
Plot Keywords: Fish Out Of Water, Independent Film, Jesus Christ, Jewish Humor, New York City, Religion, Satire, Superhero, Antichrist, Lesbian, Vampire, Adolf Hitler, Dominatrix, God, Hitler, Nixon Mask, Nixon, Satan, Wrestling
Sa-weet!
Of course, my two local library systems have nary a copy between them, and I’m not about to shell out $18 for what could very likely be a steaming pile of poo, so it looks like I’m out of luck. Rumor has it, though, that the future brother-in-law is getting us a Netflix subscription for x-mas…and if they happen to stock Ultrachrist!, I promise I’ll report back to all you fellow heathens.
Hey, how bad could a movie starring Jesus, Hitler, Satan, and a horde of sinning dominatrix-lesbians possibly be?
- K
The crucifix is the symbol of Christianity?
I HATED the crucifix! OUCH!
The nonprofit group Global Language Monitor just released their list of 2005’s top Bushisms. The unforgettably infuriating “Brownie quote” (”Brownie, you’re doing a heckuva job”) led the pack but, of course, there was a wealth of memorable contenders.
Rounding out GLM’s top five list are:
“See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda,” Bush said in explaining his communications strategy last May.
“I think I may need a bathroom break. Is this possible?” Bush asked in a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a U.N. Security Council meeting in September.
“This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack
Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table,” Bush said in Brussels last February.
“In terms of timetables, as quickly as possible - whatever that means,” the president said of his timeframe for passing Social Security legislation in March.
“Those who enter the country illegally violate the law,” Bush said in describing illegal immigrants in Tucson, Arizona, last month.
Pundits from around the blogosphere have joined in the New Year’s festivities as well; for example, about.com offers these gems:
“It’s totally wiped out. … It’s devastating, it’s got to be doubly devastating on the ground.” –turning to his aides while surveying Hurricane Katrina flood damage from Air Force One, Aug. 31, 2005
“I’m occasionally reading, I want you to know, in the second term.” –Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005
“I’m going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it’s the mother in me.” –Washington D.C., April 14, 2005
“We’ve got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we’re going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we’re going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is — and it’s hard for some to see it now — that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott’s house — he’s lost his entire house — there’s going to be a fantastic house. And I’m looking forward to sitting on the porch.” (Laughter) –touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005
“You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” –to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005
And, of course, Slate has an oft-updated list of The Complete Bushisms. Grab a cup of Soy Nog - this could take awhile.
- K
Oh, if only the Bush presidency had been cancelled after eight episodes…
guess the joke’s on us!
He’s the president in residence
He’s kind of in charge
He’s got the whole country saying,
“That’s my Bush!”
Life is hard, that’s the price of fame
When you’re president everyone knows your name
Hey what’s that thing?
It’s my Bush!
I can’t believe he’s actually in the White House,
that’s our ma-hyauun!!
That’s My Bush!
So that we may celebrate His Noodliness, Shane & I had lasagna for x-mas dinner. Actually, that’s a lie - we started the tradition last year, well before I had heard of the FSM. We live about 1100 miles away from our family and, since they live in the Northeast, we have yet to visit them for Christmas (sorry, but I refuse to brave the Antarctic weather to commemorate a fraudulent birthday!). Actually, that’s a good thing - Christmases with the family were always hectic, rushing from one obligatory get-together to another. As a kid, I sometimes didn’t get to open the loot ’till Christmas night. No fun in that!
But with just the two of us, nowhere to go, Christmas is delightfully lazy in Kansas. And, just to make sure we have as little responsibilities as possible on the 25th, we’ve begun pre-assembling pasta and desserts on the 24th. X-mas afternoon, just pop the lasagna into the oven for an hour, and viola, an effortless dinner. Follow up with a frozen apple pie an hour after lunch (yummy!). Bonus: minimal dishes to wash.
Less time cooking = more time playing with presents, the doggies, and the doggies’ presents.
Lasagna, especially, is a treat, since I’m too lazy and/or busy to make it the rest of the year. Why mess with those fussy noodles, so prone to breakage and bonding, and in need of layering, to boot, when you can just throw angel hair, sauce, and veggies into one big pan? Not a culinary master, this one.
This year we actually went to the trouble of taking pictures of our noodley opus so that Shane can post them on Hell Food, his newest blog. Inspired by Morgan Spurlock’s Don’t Eat This Book book (which he’s currently listening to on CDs borrowed from the library), as well as his documentary Super Size Me! (viewed over the holiday weekend), he decided to start journaling about various foods. In addition to signaling out “hell foods,” he’ll also offer healthier alternatives. I plan to be a semi-frequent guest poster; while he’ll most likely focus on health issues, I’ll offer an animal rights/envirogeek perspective. Though I’ve become extremely health-conscious in the past few years, the moral components of one’s food choices is by far my area of expertise. The blog is still quite new, so check back now and again for more!
My best attempt at food critic photography
Me in six months
My haul this year, in addition to a new host blog and a fridge full of leftovers, includes a few much-wished for books (Action Chicks: New Images of Tough Women in Popular Culture by Sherrie A. Inness; Superman on the Couch: What Superheroes Really Tell Us About Ourselves and Our Society by Danny Fingeroth; and Freakery: Cultural Spectacles of the Extraordinary Body by Rosemarie Garland Thomson), a rat terrier statue that’s a dead ringer for Peedee, some Playstation 2 games, a cute Christmas rabbit, and - the kicker - a freestanding heavy bag from Title Boxing with some Tae Bo DVDs to get me started (Shane rocks).
That’s it for the post-x-mas x-mas blogging; regularly scheduled snark will resume shortly. Until then, see you at Hell Food.
- K
Saw this quiz over at The Questionable Authority and couldn’t resist. Along with 24% of the other quiz-takers, we’re both badgers. Can’t speak for TQA, but this one’s dead-on for me! (Cynical? Moi?)
- K
Well, ‘tis the season when parents share post-x-mas pics of their “adorable” spawn unwrapping the booty on Christmas morning. Miserable misanthrope that I am, I have no toeheads of my own and, thus, no Christmas toehead photos. But I do have something better: doggies! So now, in the tradition of gratuitously sappy parents…it’s time for some good ol’ post-x-mas doggie blogging.
- K
Peedee waiting not-so-patiently for the fat man.
The dogs’ basket o’ presents
(placed strategically out of reach so they can’t loot it).
Peedee sneaking an early present on x-mas eve.
I hope it’s poo, I hope it’s poo!
Bitch, why did you hide my toys in all this paper?
Oh, a football…
almost as good as poo, I guess…
O-Ren tearing into a six-pack of Kongs.
Mmmmm, rubbery!
Ralphie hogging his stash behind the couch.
I said plaaaaaaaaaaaay with me!
You gotta be shittin’ me…it isn’t naptime yet!?
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