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This afternoon, Shane and I went to a library-sponsored used book sale, which was being held in an elementary school gym.
Also in attendance was a fucktarded honky couple, who had their 8-year-old camped out on a bench inside, safeguarding their heaps of books (’twas a bag sale!). Girl was getting antsy, and I can’t exactly blame her – what is she, a fucking guard dog / pack mule? She’s a kid, in a gym, surrounded by books – of course she wants to run around and have a look-see!
So the girl starts yelling for her mom to come back: “Mom. Mom. Mom. Mooom. Mooom. MOM!!!”
At best, Mom shoots back a halfhearted “I’ll be right there, sweetie, I just have one table to go.” At best. Most of the time, she does a stellar job of completely ignoring her impatient little toehead.
Mind you, it’s not like mom is ten or even twenty feet away. Nope, she’s browsing through stacks of books on the other side of the fucking gym. With dad. Who’s also ignoring his spawn. So this kid is literally yelling at her mother across a gym. A fucking gym! Just imagining the echo is enough to give me a migraine all over again.
As if the honky couple’s parenting hasn’t proven pathetic enough, dad ups the ante.
Girl starts fiddling with the handles on the cheap plastic grocery bags that are housing – no doubt – piles of cheap paperback romance novels for mom, because you know dad ain’t hittin’ that anymore. Perking up, Dad finally acknowledges his seed, and wanders over to the bench to see what the girl’s doing. I guess her restlessness was more than dad could take, because he goes whining to mom.
Dad: Honey, she’s gonna rip the bag! She’s gonna tear the handles right off! She’s trying to rip it!
Girl: No, I’m not mom, dad’s lying! Dad, you’re a liar!
Of course, girl’s retort was shouted clear across the gym, since her sorry ass is still confined to the bench.
Way to go, you ‘tards.
So, let’s review: what lessons have you taught your little one today?
1) It’s a-ok to yell, scream, whine, and generally act a fool in public;
2) Parents need only pay attention to their spawn when they feel like it;
3) Daddy is a big lying baby. (Liar, liar, diaper on fire!)
Nice job.
And you fuckwads actually expect us childfree adults to subsidize this train wreck you call parenting?
Republican Senator Nancy Jacobs:
“[M]y Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman. What do you have to say about that?”
Jamie Raskin, professor of law at American University:
“Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible.”
(Overheard at a March 1, 2006 hearing on the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit gay marriage in the state of Maryland.)
Source: Snopes.com
Sit back, press play, and enjoy your morning cup o’ crazy.
Be patient, grasshopper. God oh-so-intelligently frontloaded the extra special crazy in this clip for your pleasure. Hang in there for five minutes, and you’ll get it.
Seriously.
Does this banana-toting Godbagger look as though he’d let you down?
No clue, these people, no fucking clue.
Via Feministe;
See also Sadly, No! and Jesus’ General, who are bound to rake in more Bible Beater bashing comments than yours truly. Because…only the spambots comment here! (Where’s the love, people?)
I know it hasn’t exactly been a banner year, Earth, but rest assured we’ll soon wipe our smarmy selves off your face, and you’ll no longer have to deal with humanity. Or GW, for that matter.
Until then, buck up. Hey, Grist says that green is the new black. For the next 15 minutes, anyway.
I’ve been busy staining my lawn furniture all day, so I’ve got nothing. Nothing original, anyway. Luckily, the Carnival of Feminists XIII is up at I See Invisible People. One of these days, I swear, I *will* contribute. It’s just so hard to schedule genius, ya know? I kid, I kid. I’m just a lazy procrastinator, same as everyone else.
Also, check out 14 Things to Do if You Miss the Rapture, posted last week by Amanda of Pandagon. It’s a very funny take on this little bit of crazy, 14 things to do if you have missed the rapture!!!! Hint: Stay away from earthquake faults. Thanks, genius.
Oh, ye who defend Muslim protesters who insist that all infidels obey their silly religious edicts against the depiction of the “prophet” Mohammed, come, sit, and have a peek into my heathen crystal ball. Come and see where the path – your path - away from “offending religious sentiments” (freedom of speech be damned to hell) will inevitably lead:
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (Agence France-Presse) — Activists gathered at the capital’s city hall to protest laws that make kissing and hugging in public a crime, saying it showed the “Islamization” of the multicultural nation. […]
The protest late last week was touched off by a court’s decision to authorize indecency charges against a young couple accused of kissing and hugging in a park by Kuala Lumpur’s iconic Twin Towers in August 2003. […]
“We want to send a message that it is inappropriate for local government to be the moral police,” said DAP youth wing Deputy Chief Chong Chieng Jen. “The thing about morality is that it differs among different races and religions.
“It defies the spirit of our constitution and also freedom of religion. If we do not check the trend now, we are heading toward a real Islamic state or going backwards to the medieval time.” […]
The protesters accused city authorities of applying Islamic or “Sharia” legal principles on both Muslims — who make up about 60 percent of Malaysia’s population — and the non-Muslim Chinese and Indian communities.
“This is a manifestation of Islamization of Malaysia without respecting the rights and freedom of the non-Muslims,” they said.
The Federal Court ruled that city hall could pursue indecency charges against the ethnic Chinese couple, saying kissing and hugging were not the norm for Malaysians or other Asians and were acceptable only by Western moral standards.
Malaysia’s Bar Council spoke out against the ruling, saying displays of affection are common here and that indecency charges should be applied only to maintain public order, and not because behavior had offended someone.
The couple are due to face the charges at city hall’s court in June. If convicted, they could be fined up to $540 or jailed for up to a year, or both.
Fucking. Chilling.
And, lest the Americans in the audience develop a smug sense of “That shit would never fly here” superiority, say hello to your Bush. He and his fellow Godbaggers are trying their darndest to reshape the good ole’ USA into their own image of a just theocracy.
But hey, you’re bound to get more than you bargained for when you demand that everyone avoid offending anyone’s oh-so-delicate “religious sensibilities.”
“I hear the voices and I read the front page and I know the speculation. But I’m the decider and I decide what’s best. And what’s best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense.”
- GW, self-proclaimed ‘Decider’
Bush Babies!
Presented without commentary.
Tom Cruise has been sitting down with a lot of reporters lately — but one recent chat didn’t go so well. The “Mission Impossible” star walked out of an interview with Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet Söndag after the conversation turned to his ex-wife, Nicole Kidman.
The conversation was all smiles until reporter Björn Benkow insisted that experts say that dyslexia cannot be cured by Scientology as Cruise has claimed. There was an awkward pause, then Cruise burst into laughter. “I’m going to, in any case, admit that you have the courage of a madman,” according to our translator. “This is something no journalist has dared say to me face-to-face. . . . Scientology is a religion without divinity. Its teaching is a spiritual liberation from life’s problems that can only be reached through advice, courses and deep studies. Your cynical media colleagues cast doubt over all the good that we do by spreading a bunch of hocus pocus about us.”
Then the reporter mentioned Kidman and the two children that she and Cruise adopted. “Now you’ve gone over the line,” Cruise replied. Then, according to Benkow, one of Cruise’s two bodyguards put his hand on the reporter’s shoulder, and Cruise said: “Now, unfortunately, I have to end this, Mr. . . . ?”
“Benkow,” the reporter replied.
“Whatever,” Cruise replied. “I have to move on.”
“He Is Not Here; for He Is Risen, as He Said.”
Matthew 28
I send greetings to those observing the joyous holiday of Easter. On Easter, Christians around the world join together with family and friends to celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ and the triumph of love over death. This is a season of renewal, a time for giving thanks and praise and for remembering that hope overcomes despair.
Christ’s extraordinary sacrifice and compassion continue to inspire people around the world. His promise of new life gives hope and confidence to His followers. His service and love for His neighbors offer a profound lesson for all people.
During this Easter season, we celebrate God’s gifts of freedom and justice. We pray for peace and ask for God’s blessings on the brave men and women who wear our Nation’s uniform and their families.
Laura and I wish you a Happy Easter.
GEORGE W. BUSH
Take the quiz:
WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?
Atheist
You are Godless! You could care less about religion.
As far as you’re concerned, if you can’t see, touch and kick something, it’s not real to you.
Your day-to-day activities consist of eating, working, sleeping
and the occasional Internet or coffee shop debate.
Lastly, if anyone chooses to preach at you otherwise,
you will either leave or debate them until they finally shut up.
Bonus shocker - the Godless Wonder is a certifiable atheist, too!
Ralphie, that is. (Peedee and Rennie are pretty good about taking it outside.)
Gonna have to get me one for our new-to-us minivan, henceforth referred to as “El Wienermobile.” In lieu of champagne, I’m sure Ralphie will soon christen it with a nice steaming pile (his specialty). Oh, well, better than an endless stream of dirty diapers, I guess.
Iran accuses US of mind games
I wonder if Iran’s cries of junior high Jedi mind tricks have anything to do with this recently leaked candid of Condi. I don’t know about you, but I find CR way scarier than Lynndie England!
Bonus qu | | | |
