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& more miscellaneous lists.
From the BBC, we have 100 things we didn’t know this time last year.
A few tidbits that deserve special mention:
WD-40 dissolves cocaine.
Baboons can tell the difference between English and French.
In America it’s possible to subpoena a dog.
When faced with danger, the octopus can wrap six of its legs around its head to disguise itself as a fallen coconut shell and escape by walking backwards on the other two legs.
Australians host barbecues at polling stations on general election days.
Tactically, the best Monopoly properties to buy are the orange ones.
You’re 10 times more likely to be bitten by a human than a rat.
One in six children think that broccoli is a baby tree.
One in 18 people has a third nipple.
As if some of these findings aren’t depressing enough (broccoli? baby trees? really!?), Slate recently published their readers’ favorite stories of 2005.
The nominees include:
Dunkin’ Donuts
A more perfect pastry.
By Bryan Curtis
Posted Wednesday, Mar. 2, 2005
The Big Applebee’s
The restaurant at the top of the casual-dining heap.
By Brendan I. Koerner
Posted Thursday, March 31, 2005
Dispatches From the Michael Jackson Trial
By Seth Stevenson
Posted Tuesday, May 3, 2005
For Pleasure
A history of the vibrator.
By Teresa Riordan
Posted Tuesday, July 5, 2005
Dog Dancing
My beagle and I try America’s weirdest pet hobby.
By Emily Yoffe
Posted Monday, July 18, 2005
*Sigh* - American culture, in all its glory.
On a more positive note, impress the aforementioned tree-huggin’ gf with The Green Guide’s guide to 2006’s green movies. The Ant Bully is, like, totally on my must-see list. Totally.
- K
File this one under better late than never.
In a shocking “special report,” Forbes ranked the richest fifteen of the super-rich fictional characters we’ve come to know and love/loathe:
Collectively, we are fascinated by the super-rich. We devour their biographies. We hang on their advice. Maybe we even hope for their downfall. But in our attempts to explain the ultra-rich–and their super-inflated bank accounts–we are often guilty of reducing real people to mere caricatures. There is the monopolist. The oracle. The genius. The thief.
With the Forbes Fictional 15, we have taken the opposite approach–fiction’s caricatures are elevated to the status of real people.
And the pseudo-lucky fifteen are…
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1. Santa Claus
2. Oliver “Daddy” Warbucks
3. Richie Rich
4. Lex Luthor
5. C. Montgomery Burns
6. Scrooge McDuck
7. Jed Clampett
8. Bruce Wayne
9. Thurston Howell III
10. Willy Wonka
11. Arthur Bach
12. Ebenezer Scrooge
13. Lara Croft
14. Cruella De Vil
15. Lucius Malfoy |
Oh, Santa, you fat bastard! You’re the richest fuck in the world, and all I got this x-mas was a heavy bag? Hell, you could have at least bought me a Bowflex or two! Be honest - was it because I had one of dem Baby Jesus Burning parties?
I know I ruined the whole surprise and all, but do visit Forbes anyway - they’ve got some nifty features over there, including a poll, profiles, and 2002’s rankings.
Then hop on over to Shakespeare’s Sister, who discusses offensive slogans on t-shirts and - quite eloquently, I think - explains when offensive humor is delightfully wry and when it’s just plain offensive (hint: it’s all about the context, baby).
BTW, I was going to include Prickwear as one of my December Links of the Day, but promptly removed it when I saw Jessica of Feministing’s post way back when. I Support the Environmentally Friendly Hummer is cute, guys; Stop Rape. Say Yes. is not. And no, that doesn’t make me a “fat chick.” Idiots.
Thanks to Lauren of Feministe for including that last one in her corral.
- K
The nonprofit group Global Language Monitor just released their list of 2005’s top Bushisms. The unforgettably infuriating “Brownie quote” (”Brownie, you’re doing a heckuva job”) led the pack but, of course, there was a wealth of memorable contenders.
Rounding out GLM’s top five list are:
“See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda,” Bush said in explaining his communications strategy last May.
“I think I may need a bathroom break. Is this possible?” Bush asked in a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a U.N. Security Council meeting in September.
“This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack
Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table,” Bush said in Brussels last February.
“In terms of timetables, as quickly as possible - whatever that means,” the president said of his timeframe for passing Social Security legislation in March.
“Those who enter the country illegally violate the law,” Bush said in describing illegal immigrants in Tucson, Arizona, last month.
Pundits from around the blogosphere have joined in the New Year’s festivities as well; for example, about.com offers these gems:
“It’s totally wiped out. … It’s devastating, it’s got to be doubly devastating on the ground.” –turning to his aides while surveying Hurricane Katrina flood damage from Air Force One, Aug. 31, 2005
“I’m occasionally reading, I want you to know, in the second term.” –Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005
“I’m going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it’s the mother in me.” –Washington D.C., April 14, 2005
“We’ve got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we’re going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we’re going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is — and it’s hard for some to see it now — that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott’s house — he’s lost his entire house — there’s going to be a fantastic house. And I’m looking forward to sitting on the porch.” (Laughter) –touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005
“You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” –to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005
And, of course, Slate has an oft-updated list of The Complete Bushisms. Grab a cup of Soy Nog - this could take awhile.
- K
Oh, if only the Bush presidency had been cancelled after eight episodes…
guess the joke’s on us!
He’s the president in residence
He’s kind of in charge
He’s got the whole country saying,
“That’s my Bush!”
Life is hard, that’s the price of fame
When you’re president everyone knows your name
Hey what’s that thing?
It’s my Bush!
I can’t believe he’s actually in the White House,
that’s our ma-hyauun!!
That’s My Bush!
Unlike RA, I prefer my Christmas music sans sap; better still, in shades of punk. This weekend, I’ll be tearing into presents to the tune of the following anti-Christmas Christmas songs. No Holly Jolly Christmas for this grrrrl.
Unless Iggy Pop has covered it, of course.
- K
Not-So-Random 25 Anti-Christmas Christmas Songs
1 - The Vandals - Christmastime for My Penis
2 - Bad Religion - Fuck Christmas
3 - Camp Kill Yourself - Santa Clause Is Coming To Town
4 - AC-DC - Mistress for Christmas
5 - Everclear - I’ll Be Hating You for X-Mas
6 - Brightside - I’m Spending Christmas in the Slammer
7 - Weird Al - The Night Santa Went Crazy
8 - Tom Waits - Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis
9 - Kyle Broflovski - I’m a Jew (a Lonely Jew)
10 - Stiff Little Fingers - White Christmas
11 - The Pogues - Christmas in the Drunk Tank
12 - Mojo Dixon - Punk Rock X-Mas
13 - Pennywise - X-Mas in Hell
14 - Jill Sobule - Jesus Was a Dreidel Spinner
15 - Blink 182 - Happy Holidays Basterd
16 - Fountains of Wayne - I Want An Alien for Christmas
17 - The Ramones - Merry Christmas
18 - The Sex Pistols - X-Mas Time Again
19 - Fiona Apple - Christmas Blues
20 - Adam Sandler - Chanukah Song
21 - Madonna - Santa Baby
22 - Anal Cunt - Hey Santa Clause You Fucking Cunt
23 - Mr. Garrison - Merry Fucking Christmas
24 - Blink 182 - I Won’t Be Home for Christmas
25 - The Vandals - Grandpa’s Last X-Mas
I’m feeling too lazy to write anything substantial tonight, so instead I thought I’d honor fellow slackers - that is, musicians who reinvented previously recorded songs rather than come up with their new material. Not that there’s anything wrong with that - I love myself a good cover. I loaded up the 800+ MP3s in my Covers folder and set Creative to random, then threw in ten random Dylan covers for good measure (because no Dylan song can ever be performed the same way twice - just can’t happen!).
- K
Random Ten Covers
1 - Guns N’ Roses - Black Leather
2 - Type O Negative - Manic Depression
3 - Joan Baez - Pretty Boy Floyd
4 - Joe Cocker - The Letter
5 - Richie Havens - Let It Be
6 - Eve 6 - I Touch Myself
7 - The Black Crowes - Honky Tonk Women
8 - Me First & the Gimme Gimmes - Tomorrow
9 - Natalie Merchant - Sympathy for the Devil
10 - Diversion 4.0 - No One Else
Bonus: Random Ten Dylan Covers
1 - Tom O’Brien - Subterranean Homesick Blues
2 - Joan Osborne - My Back Pages
3 - String Cheese Incident - Tom Thumb’s Blues
4 - Social Distortion - Don’t Think Twice, It’s Allright
5 - Joan Baez - Forever Young
6 - Richie Havens - Lay Lady Lay
7 - Emmylou Harris - When I Paint My Masterpiece
8 - Peter, Paul & Mary - Don’t Think Twice, It’s Allright
9 - Mike Ness - Don’t Think Twice, It’s Allright
10 - Bryan Ferry - It’s All Over Now, Baby Blue
Sorry for the brief leave of absence, my dear readers. I had my hands (fingers?) rather full with work last week - I had to edit, upload, format, and categorize a few hundred articles for work. To make matters worse, I was out of commission yesterday. Some doohickey on Shane’s motherboard had a meltdown, so he ran out to replace it. He came back with a souped up motherboard, along with plans to install it in my machine, and use my old board in his own Windows box. He usually sticks to Linux, you see, so he thought he’d give me the better Windows junk. What a guy, huh? Unfortunately, he never could get the new board to work, so I was sans computer all dreary day long. Not to mention, I’m stuck with the same old clunker today. And I suspect that he’ll kick me off as soon as he gets home tonight. *Sigh*
So, I guess I’d better get right to the point! Along with massive work overload, I also suffered from a weeklong bout of frenetic x-mas shopping in my spare time; I think the big wet globs of rain-snow on Wednesday made me panic. One day it’s 70 degrees out, and the next it’s snowing. Enough to send anyone into Merry Holiday Madness. On the bright side, most of my gifts are either pinpointed or purchased. Yeah!
I know it’s not yet Thanksgiving (the most genocidal of holidays!), but tonight I bring you some Monday Merriment. I’ve loaded up all my x-mas mp3s, and set Creative to random. Before you mock my musical taste, let me just say in my own defense that many of these songs are remnants from a few years ago, when I made my sappy ole Mom a few x-mas mixed CDs. Seriously!
X-Mas Pre-Season Random Ten
1 - Steven Curtis Chapman - Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
2 - Ella Fitzgerald - Good Morning Blues
3 - Neil Diamond - Happy Christmas (War is Over)
4 - The Kinks - Father Christmas
5 - Ray Charles - Christmas in My Heart
6 - Bob Rivers - I Am Santa Clause
7 - Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole & Dean Martin - What Child Is This/The Holly and the Ivy
8 - The Supremes - White Christmas
9 - Adam Sandler - The Hanukkah Song
10 - Sheryl Crow - Blue Christmas
More to come as I continue to contribute to the shameless commercialization of Jesus’ birthday!
- K
P.S. Speaking of God and money, apparently His warriors go for $870 a pop, final bid. Nope, Christian Soldiers don’t come cheap!
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